How to Cope with Living with Your Ex While Your Divorce Is Pending

Escondido, CA – Each divorce often has its own complications and issues. Among these can be the tricky situation in which the couple has decided to divorce, but still has to live together during the process.


John Griffith, San Diego Divorce Attorney, notes, “It can be extremely problematic and difficult to go through a separation or divorce while you and your spouse still live together. While this scenario obviously makes things trickier emotionally, it can actually help the legal proceedings move along more quickly.”

Good News for Californians

As of January 1, 2017, separating couples in California now have more options about their living situation during the divorce. Governor Jerry Brown signed a new law, Senate Bill 1255, changing the way assets are divided in these cases. Instead of couples only being financially independent after they physically separate, they can now declare their finances separate as soon as one or both parties decide to end the marriage. This means they can still live together and maintain their own financial lives during the divorce.

The Advantages to Living with a Future Ex

While it’s often not ideal for those seeking a divorce to continue living other the same roof, there are some advantages.

  • Easy access to communication. Those living at the same address don’t have to wait days for correspondence to go through and can immediately bring up issues as they arise.
  • Keeping the children in one location. If children are involved, they can at least stay at the same residence until one parent moves out. While their parents’ relationship has dwindled, at least the children can benefit from keeping their normal routines for the time being.
  • Not having to immediately find new housing. The new legislation was passed in part to ensure that those divorcing didn’t have the added burden of securing new housing during the proceedings.

How to Deal with Cohabitation During Divorce

  • Know that it’s temporary. This phase with both spouses living together even during a divorce will likely not last forever.
  • Set a routine or schedule. If the divorce is not amicable, it might be beneficial to work out a schedule that fairly allows each parent access to the children, while avoiding too much time with the other spouse.
  • Establish a shared budget. Sometimes shared expenses will be incurred, like repairs to the house or childcare costs. If both spouses work together on the budget, they can each save money in the long run.
  • Decide on dating. Bringing a new partner into the mix can cause complicated emotions, so this should be a discussion the spouses should have before it’s an issue. Will each party date through the divorce, or wait until after? What are the rules for bringing a date to the house?
  • Prepare for confusion. Not everyone understands the unique situation of exes living together, especially when a divorce is involved. It can be helpful for each party to decide how to broach the topic when it’s brought up with friends, family, or coworkers.
  • Seek professional counsel. Experienced divorce attorneys will have no problem advising those who cohabitate with their future exes. Their knowledge can be drawn upon during this potentially messy time.

If you’re beginning a divorce and still cohabitating with your spouse, schedule a free consultation with John Griffith or one of his outstanding team members at Griffith, Young, and Lass.

About us: With a large amount of experience and knowledge between us, we at Griffith, Young and Lass provide exceptional counsel in the area of family law. We serve all of our clients with the utmost of care and professionalism, working together with you to successfully resolve your case.

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